NaBloPoMo...

I know. It's been a while since I've posted. What's that? Apology accepted? Why, thank you. That was very kind...

As you can probably tell from my nifty new badge on the left, I just joined NaBloPoMo. September is my month. Thirty posts in thirty days. Wish me luck...

Oh yeah...

I've been keeping up with tons of election stuff, so don't be alarmed if the insanity of current events creeps into my posts. I promise not to rant. Other than that, next post will be September 1st, and there will be a daily entry through the end of the month. Thank you all, and goodnight..:-)

-Matt

And so it begins...

Today, classes at TCNJ are in session. My first class, Introduction to Atheism, was canceled because the professor is currently attending a conference. Wow. Good start. Either I have a professor that doesn't give a shit, or he has orchestrated a deeply symbolic lesson teaching his students that not even his own classes matter because, in the end, we are all just dust in the wind. Brilliant.

Or...

I just paid a large sum of money to sit in my underwear playing video games on Compy II all day...

...
...

..Dust in the wind. Right.

My next class, Math for Liberal Arts Majors, was really interesting intellectually stimulating boringasshitomgwtfisthepointofthis not that bad, but I have a hard time remembering the details because, on the way to campus, I saw a kid fall off of his bike. I pulled over, not to see if said small child was in need of medical attention, but because I was laughing so hard I couldn't see straight. That's a driving hazard, so I pulled over. I saved lives. I think that warrants a medal, or maybe just a key to the city. Either one's fine, I'm not picky...

Today set the tone for my senior year at college. Here I thought I would take myself seriously, perhaps buckling down to do some work. In response, I get a canceled class and a hilarious distraction. Good. This semester is going to be AWESOME..:-)

-Matt

On the campaign trail...

I'd been putting it off for a while, but today I had my first opportunity to volunteer my efforts for Barack Obama's presidential campaign. I've had prior campaigning experience, volunteering my Saturdays to phone bank and canvas for Patrick Murphy in the 2006 Congressional elections. Registering people to vote is fun and potentially hilarious, everybody should try it...

I can't say the same for Republican campaigns, as I have no experience with their side, but Democratic volunteers are laid back and time flies when you are arguing with unregistered voters about Obama's terrorist qualities...

Says an unregistered voter to a Jewish volunteer wearing a "Vote Barack Obama" pin written in Hebrew, "What the hell is that?"

"It's Hebrew, it says "Vote Barack Obama"."

"Cheebrew? Is that the language that Muslims speak."

And let's not forget the still bitter Hillary supporters. Says another unregistered voter, "Barack Obama is ARROGANT! How the hell could a guy pick some unknown guy for his running mate when Hillary has the same policies and 49% of voters want her to be there. He doesn't listen to voters, he's ARROGANT!!"

When the four of us weren't fending off the failures of the American education system, we discussed policy issues as they pertained to the local population. I found the other volunteers to be very well informed on campaign strategies, recent news, and the voting histories of BOTH candidates. The two hours I spent registering people to vote in the mall turned out to be tons of fun, not just for the unintentional hilarity, but for how cool my fellow volunteers were. So, no matter which side you support in the upcoming election, do yourself a favor and volunteer. Not only will you make a difference as an active member of your society, you'll probably have fun, too..:-)
-Matt

Beware of guard cat...

...because doors are not an obstacle...

-Matt

Spontaneity...

Yesterday, HBoO and I randomly decided to go to Grounds For Sculpture, a massive park filled with monstrous pieces of art. We stopped at the visitor's center to pick up a map before entering a small bamboo forest. After a few turns, we stumbled upon this...
As we stared in amazement, I heard a rustling in the bushes. Turning quickly, I instinctively pulled my camera upwards and snapped a photo...
GAH!!! After a few seconds I realized these cutouts were part of the piece. A few seconds that cost me a pair of clean underwear. We exited the forest and mosied on down the path where I noticed a peculiar addition to one of the sculptures. HBoO fervently insisted on my not taking a picture because, in her words, it was "GROSS AND DISGUSTING OH MY GOD GET AWAY!!!"
Frozen in terror, a petrified HBoO nearly became a sculpture herself...
Thinking quickly, I found the perfect solution to an otherwise dire situation...
With the problems of the day behind us, HBoO and I returned home, fully enriched by our experience..:-)

-Matt

The big day...

Everybody goes through this. Weeks and weeks of doing absolutely no physical activity, then, one day, it hits you...

"Ugh! I'm fucking disgusting..."

Now, I don't have the usual body afflictions. I'm skinny, so my laziness doesn't yield saddle bag thighs or cankles. It does, however, make me look like a horrible heap of skin and bone with absolutely no form whatsoever. Couple this with an extended period without shaving, and you have one unhappy person. Did I mention the smell? I have no air conditioning in August, do the math...

Suddenly obtaining a new computer with a processor and video card capable of playing Civilization IV, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, and Rome: Total War means I've been sitting on my lazy ass for the last couple of weeks eating Cheez-its and screaming at a series of zeros and ones. My shower called, it was lonely...

Every year, at about this time, I get the urge to start exercising. I always pick something that I'm bad at in hopes of improving myself.Two years ago, I ran laps around my campus in lieu of all the smoking. Last year, I biked several miles each morning before work because I never really rode my bike when I was a kid. This year, perhaps after being inspired by Michael Phelps, I decided to start swimming. I'm a terrible swimmer. I can float for about five minutes before my body decides that drowning is a better option than surviving. A couple of years ago, I almost died in the ocean when a riptide pulled me out to sea. Yeah, swimming is the logical choice...

Today was the big day. After putting it off for weeks, I wanted to get in the pool and start bulking up for winter so that I can get SAD and watch myself wither away. I put my bathing suit on, got in my car, and drove to campus. With my school ID in hand, I approached the door to Packer Hall and gripped the door handle. Then, I looked up...

"PACKER HALL WILL BE CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE FOR ROOF REPAIRS! SORRY FOR THE INCONVENIENCE!"

I guess I'm destined to be a hairy, smelly sack of skin and bones. Sorry, HBoO..:-/

-Matt

Everyone knows it's Butters...

"Well that's ME!"

My sister found a kitten roaming around a parking lot where she works. Now, I have a kitten. My first solo pet experience. The details of why the cat is now in my possession is, for the purposes of this blog, inconsequential. He's mine. His name is Butters, and he is the cutest thing I've ever seen. Except when he scratches. And bites. And licks my nipples in the middle of the night while I'm TRYING TO SLEEP!!!

But, seriously...
And...
And, further more...
The cat is (miraculously) housebroken, he plays with his toys, he eats properly, he does what he's told. So what if little Timmy is sobbing in a corner right now mourning his lost kitten? Finders keepers, Timmy. If you loved this kitten, you would not have let it be kidnapped! I bet you won't let Kitty #2 chase cars on the highway. Lesson learned...

Anyways, meet Butters. If all goes according to plan, I'll be LOLcat famous in no time..:-)

-Matt