Rob Andrews Town Hall in Glassboro, NJ

I was there.

Standing in line for two hours, listening to a barrage of unsourced generalized questions, rude yelling, and the spread of proven falsehoods. A few legitimate concerns got through, some really informed people showed up. Overall, however, this wasn't the tastiest slice of Americana.

After having my ears pierced by blood curdling screams of "NO ABORTIONS FOR MY BABY!!!" and "AMERICA IS THE GREATEST COUNTRY IN THE WORLD!!! DURRHHH!!!!", it was my turn at the mic.

"Good evening, Congressman Andrews. My name is Matt Brinn, I'm 22 years old, and I'm from Folsom, NJ. You said earlier that this Healthcare bill would cost $1 trillion over the next ten years. How many people here showed up because they think that the cost is way too high?"

The flag-waving crowd goes wild. Obama supporters sit silently.

Wait for it...

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..Wait for it

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"Where the HELL were all of you when George W. Bush was wasting $3 trillion on the war in Iraq? How about when he gave $700 billion to the CEOs of the banks with no oversight?"

Stunned silence from the flag wavers, roars of approval from the Obama crowd.

"Sixty four percent of all bankruptcies are caused by medical bills. Congressman Andrews, I commend you for standing up in front of us today. I'm a recent college graduate, and I'm uninsured. I'm currently looking for a job, hence the suit, and more people agree with you than are represented here. Thank you."

As I exited the building, I counted four high fives.

UPDATE: I made the Courier Post. Page 2 of the article says:

"And Matt Brinn, 22, of Folsom, turned the opponents' enthusiasm against them when he asked audience members to clap if they objected to the cost of reform.

'Where the hell were all of you when George W. Bush spent $3 trillion on Iraq,' snapped Brinn, drawing a fresh round of cheers from reform supporters."

Unfinished thoughts...

Here I will collect a number of thoughts which I believed would make for excellent blogging, but didn't make it past the first sentence or two.

- First and foremost, I have a job interview on Monday, August 24th with Democracia USA, a nonprofit organization that registers Hispanic voters in the tens of thousands each year. Details in the days to come.

- Driving down an interstate highway is a nerve wracking experience for most drivers. What unsettles me the most is the bits of exploded tire strewn about the shoulder of the road. Violent murderous accidents, it seems, happen every few feet. Clean up crews find it important to remove crushed cars and dead bodies, why not the destroyed tires?

- How much of a road repair construction company's budget is allocated to the purchasing of orange rubber cones? All of it, I think, judging by the thousands of cones forming an impenetrable wall around each individual project.

- Why does a single black hair insist on peaking its head out of the small mole near my hip no matter how many times I tweeze it? You'd think it'd get the message.

That is all.

The Philadelphia Zoo

HBoO and I went to the Philadelphia Zoo today. We saw lions and lemurs, flamingos and monkeys, tortoises and pelicans, and a zillion other animals big and small. One thing I noticed, the Philadelphia Zoo needs to hire a new person to write the little blurbs about each animal. You know, those little signs posted next to each habitat that give you the name and basic information about each animal. Not to be a snob, but they were written poorly.

[snobbery]

I remember reading:

"A wonderful animal at the zoo is the pelican." Was this written by a kindergartener?

"Animals are awesome." Stamped onto several of the bird displays.

"Africa south of the Sahara."There's got to be a more succinct way to say this. Perhaps that prefix that reminds me of delicious sandwiches on torpedo rolls can be used in this situation?

I guess what I'm saying is, I really want/need a job, and "Zoo Signpost Technician" fits neatly within my qualifications. Why is the person who crafted the text on these signs employed as a writer and I'm not? *Pout*

[/snobbery]

In other news, swan-shaped paddle boats are really fun. Ask HBoO, we pulled off some pretty impressive maneuvers, including a series of hairpin turns and a complete spin at full speed. If the summer Olympics introduced a new sport at the 2012 games, and that sport was "Trick Paddle Boating," I'd definitely expect to take home the gold.

The end.

Opeth, the king of misheard lyrics

Since the dawn of musical recordings, lyrics have been misheard. Without those trusty liner notes, we'd all think that Jimi Hendrix was excusing himself to kiss some guy, Bruce Springsteen was lit up like a douche, and Elton John was embracing Tony Danza ever so gently.

However, the progressive death metal band Opeth takes the cake. When deadly badgers aren't making his weed and he isn't fixing his pants, Mikael Akerfeldt and his thick Swedish accent make their best effort to make growling vocals sound discerable. The result is almost always an uncanny valley of lyrical hilarity.

Here's the song Bleak from the Blackwater Park album. I'm going to write out the lyrics as I hear them.

Bleak

Beating,

Hearts still beating from the claws

Teeming,

Self defeating of the laws

Aching,

Ribs are aching from the blood

Fading,

You are fading from my sight

Rancor morning, coldness lingering in sun

Shrouding to nightmares of the sun

Moving

I am moving closer to your side

Luring

You are luring me into the night

Crying

Who is crying for you? I am.

Dying

I am dying fast inside your tears.

Rancid towards the reament faster yet

Clearing thoughts, my mind is set

Devious movements in your eyes

Lead me from the hills

Reconcile white clouds with your lies

And fills them with me

You're closer to final will

You're staring right past me in dismay

A liquid seeps from your chest

And drains me away

Mystery conshrouds your thin white man

and draws me without

Coping this mop this diamond veil

It's splendor is might

Help me cure you

Atone for all you've done

Help me lead you

A sonic taste of gum

Devious movements in your eyes

Lead mefrom the hills

Reconcile white clouds with your lies

And fills them with me

You're closer to final will

You're staring right past me in dismay

A liquid seeps from your chest

And drains me away

Mystery conshrouds your thin white man

and draws me without

Coping this mop this diamond veil

It's splendor is might

Let's all see David

tainting a phantom

Tried shrill

shivering claws

I hated with words and a feast to come

Crabs in my way sparked tradition

This is all you need

***

Here are the real lyrics.

What are your favorite misheard lyrics?

Kids with brain cancer should be allowed to be vampires if they want to

What's the first thing that comes to mind when you hear of a show titled "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"?

A lethal dose of camp? Check. Bad makeup? Check. Intriguing plotlines with multidimensional characters that provoke deep philosophical debate? Huh?

I spent the last two days in New York City with HBoO glued to the TV watching the second season of Buffy. For those that don't know, it's Joss Whedon's first series. Before DollHouse, before Serenity, before Firefly, there was Buffy the Vampire Slayer. A ridiculous premise, Sarah Michelle Gellar is a 90 lb. martial arts expert who kills superhuman vampires in a small California town, Buffy succeeds in transcending and/or subverting almost every norm of television for teens.

I'll give you an example...

In one episode, a childhood friend of Buffy's moves to Sunnydale (the small town where the show is set) and attempts to court her. In the process, we learn that he is affiliated with a group of dorky goth kids who want to become vampires. Foolishly, he makes a deal with the show's ultimate baddy to deliver Buffy (the Slayer) and the dorky goth kids to the real vampires in exchange for immortality through vampirehood.

For the first three quarters of the episode, this kid is portrayed as the usual weekly threat to Buffy and her friends. Towards the end, however, when Buffy is fighting the kid in an attempt to save everybody, his motives are revealed. He has brain cancer and rather be immortal as a vampire than suffer the torments of a malignant terminal illness. He ends up getting his wish, but, seconds later, Buffy puts a stake through his heart. The theme, quite plainly, is that there is no such thing as pure good and evil, just endless shades of gray.

That's some serious shit when you consider that the title character's fighting stance looks like this:

But, seriously, it's really good. If you haven't already, check it out.

"Hello again" and "The internet has officially destroyed my attention span"

Wow. It's been almost three months. Please excuse me while I list my excuses for not blogging...

I was:

1) Looking for jobs

2) Getting back in shape

3) Re-earning lost college credits...

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63) Dead at the time...

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546) Scaling Mt. Evere...

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87767) I'm stupid

There. Now that that is over with. Let's pick a subject and begin where we left off (Not politics, that's like my job now).

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I'm currently rereading the Lord of the Rings trilogy because I am the paramount manifestation of cool. Much like the guy who calmly walks through a ghost town wearing awesome sunglasses and long trench coat that flaps badassedly in the wind,

I sit alone in my room catching up on the lore of a fictional race of midgets with hairy feet.

Those two are pretty similar, right? ..Right?

So, I was reading The Fellowship of the Ring when I realized that I have absolutely no attention span when reading a book. My thought process goes something like this...

"Setting down his lilies carefully on the grass, he ran to the tree. There he saw Merry's feet still sticking out--the rest had already been drawn further inside. Tom put his mouth to the crack..." LOL "...and began singing into it in a low voice." I wish they included Tom Bombadil in the LOTR movies. But, no, I don't. It just wouldn't have worked. I was bored to tears the first time I read about him. Now, though, I'm a much better reader. Maybe I should reread a lot of the stuff I hated in high school. Nah, that stuff sucked. "...'I was too careless on the hill-top,' answered Strider..."Wait, Strider? When did Aragorn show up? Aww shit, I did it again. Now I have to go back and reread like..three chapters. Damnit, I don't feel like it.

And then I put the book down and don't pick it up for a month. Does this happen to anybody else, or am I functionally retarded?