Opeth, the king of misheard lyrics

Since the dawn of musical recordings, lyrics have been misheard. Without those trusty liner notes, we'd all think that Jimi Hendrix was excusing himself to kiss some guy, Bruce Springsteen was lit up like a douche, and Elton John was embracing Tony Danza ever so gently.

However, the progressive death metal band Opeth takes the cake. When deadly badgers aren't making his weed and he isn't fixing his pants, Mikael Akerfeldt and his thick Swedish accent make their best effort to make growling vocals sound discerable. The result is almost always an uncanny valley of lyrical hilarity.

Here's the song Bleak from the Blackwater Park album. I'm going to write out the lyrics as I hear them.

Bleak

Beating,

Hearts still beating from the claws

Teeming,

Self defeating of the laws

Aching,

Ribs are aching from the blood

Fading,

You are fading from my sight

Rancor morning, coldness lingering in sun

Shrouding to nightmares of the sun

Moving

I am moving closer to your side

Luring

You are luring me into the night

Crying

Who is crying for you? I am.

Dying

I am dying fast inside your tears.

Rancid towards the reament faster yet

Clearing thoughts, my mind is set

Devious movements in your eyes

Lead me from the hills

Reconcile white clouds with your lies

And fills them with me

You're closer to final will

You're staring right past me in dismay

A liquid seeps from your chest

And drains me away

Mystery conshrouds your thin white man

and draws me without

Coping this mop this diamond veil

It's splendor is might

Help me cure you

Atone for all you've done

Help me lead you

A sonic taste of gum

Devious movements in your eyes

Lead mefrom the hills

Reconcile white clouds with your lies

And fills them with me

You're closer to final will

You're staring right past me in dismay

A liquid seeps from your chest

And drains me away

Mystery conshrouds your thin white man

and draws me without

Coping this mop this diamond veil

It's splendor is might

Let's all see David

tainting a phantom

Tried shrill

shivering claws

I hated with words and a feast to come

Crabs in my way sparked tradition

This is all you need

***

Here are the real lyrics.

What are your favorite misheard lyrics?