Saturday, January 23, 2010

How to: Deal with your Boss (Part 1)

Maybe you just got a phone call from your cat-sitter.

"Mr. Nibbles is sick, come home immediately!"

Maybe, like me, you needed to drive an hour and a half from your workplace to Philadelphia to catch a hockey game with your girlfriend, and that required leaving a half hour early.

Or, maybe, it's been a long week and you want to hit the crack pipe a couple hours early.

Whatever the reason, here's how you DON'T do it:

"Um, excuse me Mr. Boss, sir. Would it be okay if, maybe, I can get off a little early today? Mr. Nibbl-I mean, MY GRANDMOTHER, is really really sick."

His Anwer: "ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY, JOHNSON! We are behind quota, extra busy today, and I don't like you because your pants smell like Meow Mix! Better yet, YOU'RE FIRED!!!

Here's how you DO do it:

"Hey, boss, I'm leaving at 4:30 today."

His answer: "Okay, and?"

"Just thought I'd let you know."

"Keep up the good work. By the way, are you aware that your pants emanate the refreshing smell of my favorite cat food, Meow Mix? *sings*I like chicken, I like liver, Meow Mix Meow Mix, please DE-LIV-ER! Here's a cash bonus, drinks are on me tonight, Johnson!"


Get Time Off From Work said...

Your post made me laugh because it's actually true. You CAN get time off of work. You can come in late, leave early, take extended time off and your boss can't say crap about it.

fericrue said...

...and then you get a boss like me that says, "Sure take tomorrow too and the day after that and the day after that..." Catch my drift.