If I were a gameshow contestant, I'd be a billionaire...

Well, I'd have AT LEAST $25,000...

People are really dumb, and yet we insist on giving them a ton of money. She just won enough money to pay for a year of my college education and/or send me on a year long world tour. But, no. I worked my ass off in a pool store 45 hours a week for three months, sold all of my bass equipment, and I'm still working as a waiter so that I can raise funds that will span a mere 2 countries (Wait, is France a country?), and this is just for four months. And I only have 1/5 of the money she received for asking an 11 year old what country Budapest was in...

God Bless America...

-Matt

Songs of Old...

"On top of old smokey, all covered in snow!"

"No, it's on top of old smokey, all covered in blood!"

"WTF, that doesn't even make sense. Who the hell covers a mountain with blood??"

"It doesn't matter, that's how it goes."

*Google... ... ..2 minutes later*

http://www.beachnet.com/~jeanettem/songs.html

On top of old Smokey
All covered in blood,
I killed the poor teacher
With a 44 slug.
I went to her funeral, I peed on her grave
She wasn't quite dead yet so I threw a grenade.
The cops came after me to throw me in jail
But I took out my shotgun and blew them to HELL.

"I rest my case."

Now let's imagine if kids today sang these wonderful songs of love and happiness...

http://www.parentdish.com/2006/05/09/on-top-of-old-smokey-all-covered-with-blood/

Oh yeah, I live in America...

-Matt

Exaggerator Jones...

After reading through my entries thus far, I realize that this is not going the way that I originally intended. Not only have I been an exaggerating jones-men, I've done nothing but "complain, complain" as the single reader of this blog would say (rabble rabble rabble). So, therefore, from now on, I've turned over a new leaf. I'm not going to complain anymore, or commit acts of douche-baggery...

So, then...

What am I supposed to say now..?

...
...
...

oh noes!1!!!1!one!!1!

-Matt

Sources, Sources, Sources...

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/

Don't click that link...

I've been a member of this message board since August 2003. The day I registered was the beginning of the end. The appeal in reading people reply to long and well-thought out points with "wut u say?" and "tl;dr" makes me laugh in my chair. Every damn time! Why!!?

Let's sample some of the brilliance of this wonderful site.

Topic title: Who would you rather bone

"Would you rather bone Mariah Carey or Christina Aguilera? I think that's a tough choice to make but I would chose Mariah Carey because Aguilera looks like a skank."

"um"

"Neither.. Mimi is crazy and Christina is very pregnant"

"so?"

etc. etc.

For pages. And pages... ...Why!!?

Another example:

Topic Title: discuss hotdogs

"i like 6 inch sausage

plump

juicy

warm

mmmm


how do you enjoy your wieners?"

I think I can stop there...


No matter how much of my free time is taken up by more productive and fulfilling activities, I always find myself clicking that damn link. It will never end. I hope the site shuts down so that I can finally be free...

Again, a terrible post...

-Matt

Getting started...

Fact number 1: Ellipses will henceforth become the most important of all punctuation types...

Seriously, the internets has been my business for what will be eight years in the months to come, and there is nothing I've taken more advantage of than the ellipses. It is not and shall never be used in its original context, that of splicing written material together to form a sketchy argument for some paper in some class in hopes that some weary-eyed professor will merely gloss over all of your trite and boring arguments and fail to take notice that you started this awful excuse for a research paper at 1 AM the night prior..amirite?

Also, run-on sentences, fragments, spelling errors, etc. etc. shall be considered for their true artistic merit, else you will find yourself thoroughly disappointed in what you will be reading. And next on the list...

...
...
...
..(wait for it)

Assumptions. As of right now, I assume either everyone or no one is reading this, and, therefore, I can and will say whatever I want. Yay..!

Alrighty, time to really get started. I'm Matt and... ... ... ..that's all I've got. The details of my life are pretty average and don't make for much in terms of reading material. So, instead, I'm going to ramble. For a long time. And then I'm going to keep typing. Even though I have nothing to say. And I'm going to use periods before they need to be used. Annoyed? Good. I'm glad.

Still reading? Why? Por Que? Por Quoi? (What's that? Three languages? "Yeah, right," says you.) And the voices in my head that may or may not be readers are correct. I do not, in fact, speak/write in three languages. I can say a few things, mostly really impractical things such as, "Voila! Un passporte! (Look! A passport!), Yo no hablo espanol (I don't speak Spanish), Et maintenant le voyage a supermarche (And now, a trip to the supermarket) etc. etc. ad nauseum.

My English is pretty decent, however, considering I've been speaking it for about 19 years as my primary language. You know you can speak a language relatively well when you start altering words and phrases in a ridiculous mocking way (Stoooarp!) (Delorcious!).

Wow, I'm stupid. And bored. And tired. I'm not even going to read this, and I feel awful for those that do...

Welcome to my blog. I'm Matt, and for as long as I feel like keeping up with this, you can enjoy (read: suffer terribly) reading and posting comments about how I should, for the love of God, cease and desist.

Time for bed...

-Matt