Monday, September 1, 2008

Everything should be free...

Sometimes, I go to book stores. What's nice about a book store is that they let you use their merchandise, then leave without paying. You can't do that in other stores. I'd like to walk into a kitchen appliance store, use a blender to make a delicious smoothie, then leave. What a shame that kitchen appliance stores are not as cool as book stores...

I'm a free sample whore. When you ask what someone's favorite day of the year is, most will respond with Christmas or their birthday. Not me. Free sample day at the supermarket trumps all. Let's think about it...

One day, you go to the supermarket expecting to buy your food. On this particular day, however, all the food is free. Not only is it free, but friendly faces are cooking and serving the food to you as you browse. It's like tailgating without having to pretend you like sports. Can you imagine a better scenario? I submit that you cannot!

What if other stores had free sample day? What would happen if you walked into Best Buy and a series of randomly placed tech geeks were handing out free video games? What if Victoria's Secret had underwear models providing girlfriends everywhere with free laced panties? I'll tell you what would happen...

Everybody would do all of their shopping on the various free sample days. Corporate profits would fall drastically. The drop would result in millions of workers nationwide being laid off, not because of their bosses' inability to provide paychecks, but because everybody would be at home playing free video games while lying in their free beds eating free cheeseburgers and getting lap dances from their girlfriends who happen to be wearing free laced panties. The global economy as we know it would crash, wars would end, and all of the lobbyists and politicians would have nothing to argue over...

What..?

I can dream, can't I..?

-Matt

3 comments:

Suldog said...

Free cheeseburgers and lap dances? Well, I'm pretty much a Libertarian, but I'll sign up!

Mr. Sandman said...

I don't know about free smoothies but I did get to use a coffee machine and a massage chair until the batteries ran out in a store once. People gave me strange looks but none spoke.

cloverything said...

you know what else should be free and unlimited? the pages i print from college computers for the college that i am paying thousands of dollars a year to attend. my school is setting a print limit on the # of pages we can print and charging for any # over that. and yet teachers are requiring us to print things in order to pass their classes. aghhhh