There is one thing that makes me more frustrated and upset than anything else, and that thing is Doritos. Aside from that, however, I can't fix things. Give me a step by step procedure on how to build something (IKEA, I'm looking at you), and I will flounder. I was not born with the ability to mend broken appliances, toys, or machines. Even things that aren't broken but need routine maintenance, I will inevitably fail in epic fashion...
The big thing that made me think of this today was a flat tire. As I drove from work to home, I felt a slight wobble and, upon inspection, found that a nail was embedded in one of my rear tires. Luckily, I was in my driveway when I discovered this. Now, however, I face the ultimate dilemma...
How the f--- do I fix this..!?
Usually, when things like this happen, I accept that the thing is broken and choose to live peaceably. Take, for instance, the receipt machine at work. The end of the paper roll is splattered with red ink so that a hard working employee (not unlike myself) will realize that the roll needs to be changed. This involves the simple process of placing a new roll in the machine and slipping the end through the feeding mechanism...
Yeah...
I can't feed the paper through. I just..can't. My brain shuts down and I don't know what to do, so I go stock some shelves until somebody else takes the register, realizes the paper needs changing, and does it. I fail. What the hell is wrong with me..!!??
So I have this flat tire. There was nobody around to fix it, so I took it upon myself to figure out the solution. I watched an instructional video on the internet, saw that it was quite simple, and went to work...
Step 1: Find a spare tire.
First obstacle, and it's much too high. The fact that I'm writing this blog entry instead of continuing my quest to fix my car is proof that I fail at life. I suck. I lose. Somebody kill me...
At this point, I'd rather move to the mountains of Bhutan, grow a big fuck-off beard, and do rain dances with native children than fix my flat tire. Now then. Where can I find me some plane tickets to Bhutan... ... ...
-Matt
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Life is about learning. Learning things like fixing a flat tire, changing register tape and such are all things we must be "shown" or figure out for ourselves. If at first you fail, try again! And then try again. Eventually you will get it. If not, you will have to pay someone to do it for you. This is one of lifes "little lessons". You know who this comment is from!!!!! lol mmmmmmmmmommmommmommomomom
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