A Tim Burton weekend...

Ah..my least favorite form of entertainment, musical movies. I love movies, and I love music. I even have a newfound love of Broadway musicals (specifically, Spring Awakening, Avenue Q, Sweeney Todd, and Les Miserables), but musical movies are just awful. Until last night, I would watch a musical movie and shake my head in disgust. There is something about a massive choreographed dance number on the big screen that destroys my suspension of disbelief and kills movies on the spot. All of that was changed last night by Tim Burton's interpretation of Sweeney. Absolutely fucking brilliant. I'm a huge fan of the music (Thanks to HBoO), and despite the slightly lackluster vocal performances of Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, the movie was incredible. I'm a biased asshole, having listened to nothing but the Sweeney revival soundtrack for the past month or so and getting completely absorbed by the incredible vocal performances and nuances, but I don't care. The movie was awesome! Visually stunning, musically brilliant, and amazing performances by Alan Rickman, Sacha Baron Cohen, and the kid that played Toby. I'm stunned at how good it was...

Sweeney was not the only movie I watched this weekend, as can be told by this entry's title. The day prior, HBoO and I watched The Nightmare Before Christmas which I had seen and she had not. I love it, really fun movie. Also, since I hadn't seen it in years, I had a newfound appreciation for how brilliant Danny Elfman's soundtrack was. Some of the catchiest songs ever...

And that's not all. I was told today that HBoO had never seen Edward Scissorhands, so we watched that as well. Three Burton movies in a single weekend, good times all around...

So, the moral of the story is; Go see Sweeney Todd! Right now! Please..? Okay, good...

-Matt

Frankincense, Myrrh, and other Christmas presentables...

Today, HBoO came over so that we could exchange Christmas presents. She bought me a really cool journal for England, a pocket-sized digital frame filled with all of our pictures so that I can have her with me all the time, and a non-rectangular jacket (so I don't look like a rectangle)...

I bought her tickets to see Avenue Q..:-)

So we hung out today and ate various leftover foodstuffs, watched The Nightmare Before Christmas, and even went to a Philadelphia Flyers game. It was good fun all around, and I think HBoO really liked her presents, I know I enjoyed mine..:-)

Also, I took more artsy farts pitchahs throughout the day (some Christmas themed, others not), here are a few of my favorites...


Enjoy..:-D

-Matt

A day of post-Christmas shopping and artsy farts pitchahs...

Today, I was abruptly woken at 11 AM by HBoO at 11 AM for a post-Christmas shopping extravaganza. What actually happened, though, was that I was drugged..dragged? drug? draggen?...through a bunch of girly stores with HBoO and HBoO's little sister. At one point, I was overcome with an urge to buy expensive things that I cannot afford, but luckily, both EB and Gamestop were out of XBox360s...

The trip, even though riddled with shoe shoppings, clothes shoppings, and "No, Matt, you're making the people around us uncomfortable"s, it was worth it to go. HBoO showed me a bunch of the cool features that my camera possesses, and the rest of this post will be used to show off my attempts at using digital macro being artistic...

Here is an unnecessarily detailed close-up of my hair brush. Ooo..aaahh...















Here is my attempt at playing with the color focus feature. I kind of like the reflectyness of my guitar in this one, it usually just looks dirty...














Another unnecessarily close-up, but this one is a bit less gross. I like how my guitar looks asymmetrical and broken in this one...
















There you have it. Expect more artsy fartsyness in the future..:-)

-Matt

Christmas and a messy room...

Holy shit! It's Christmas..!

Merry/Happy Christmas to all the readers of my blôgüle, I hope you enjoyed the single redeeming feature of the season called Hell Winter, because, for me, it was a good one..:-D

The festivities began with the arrival of my grandmother last night, Christmas Eve. We ate some foodstuffs and then traveled to church. Going to mass on Christmas Eve is a tradition for my family, in that my sisters traditionally complain about going, and my dad traditionally gets frustrated and angry because we aren't leaving three and a half hours early to "get a good seat". This would make sense if, upon arriving at the church, my dad didn't immediately sit about twenty-five rows back, negating any reason to arrive so damn early. Of course, this year, like most, we didn't leave until about ten minutes before mass began, my dad screaming and speeding to get there. We arrive to a church that is filled to about 1/800 capacity, and promptly sit in our usual "third from the back" pew. Church starts..blah blah..Jesus..blah..glorious..blah..Mary..blah blah..manger..blah..snack time..blah..end...

Now it's time for dinner. Mmm..Bobby Chez crab cakes, shrimp cocktail, and Mom's meatballs..mmm delorcious...

Presents! My grandmother gives my dad and me the new Hess Truck every year. I have all of them unopened since 1987, an effective retirement plan. My dad immediately opened his, instantly destroying all future value...

I went to bed at midnight, eagerly awaiting Christmas morn. I woke up at 6:30 AM filled with energy, went downstairs, drank eggnog, and stared at the wonder that is Christmas. My sister, Katie, stormed downstairs and revealed that she'd been doing the same since 3 AM, she's crazy...

The rest of the family awakens, time to open! I got a shiny new camera, a bunch of new clothes, a leather-bound nail clipping set, and assorted gift cards. Awesome haul..!

We then left the house for breakfast at our old next-door neighbor's house. Mmm..chipped beef on biscuits, quiche, and mimosa's (orange juice+champagne). Delorcious..!

Now I'm back home, taking various pictures and making a big mess. I still haven't really unpacked from moving, here is my living space (brought to you by the power of a new camera!!!)...


:-D

-Matt

Home sweet home...

On Saturday, I moved out of the house I was living in for the semester and came home for winter break. Well, what actually happened is a bit more complicated than that, so I'm going to tell the story..:-)

Tuesday was the end of finals, there was a mass exodus of college students from TCNJ to various towns in the great state of New Jersey, and also Pennsylvania (for the 0.02% of the student population that lives out of state). The dorms closed on Tuesday at 8 PM, so HBoO piled all of her stuff into my arms and had me carry it down three flights of stairs to her car. She stayed at my house Tuesday night and left Wednesday morning at the same time that I left for work. I worked until 3:30 PM then came home to an empty house of nothingness. Everybody I know and love was far away, on the outskirts and frontiers of this massive Garden State. So I sat in my room and wept. Alone. In the corner. With the lights off. Basically this...

Thursday, I packed a bunch of stuff into my car and drove home to drop it off and get some free dinner. Afterwards, I drove to HBoO's and we saw Juno. It was awesomely funny and witty. It had a simple plot, but wonderful character development and stellar acting. Michael Cera is a beast, and Ellen Page was surprisingly good. Highly recommended to all...

Friday was filled with Christmas shopping. I got stuff for everybody in my family and HBoO, a very productive day. At night there was some phone drama and I drove to HBoO's house to play the role of comforting boyfriend. She appreciates it (I hope..:-P)...

Saturday morning, I overslept and had to gather my remaining things so that my parents could haul them away on a pickup truck. Moving days are always full of unforeseen stress, I really don't know why I get so angry about having to make room in my trunk for a trash bag full of clothes, a box of money, and 7345439759475 assorted pens and guitar picks, but it really rubs me the wrong way. My parents took me to IHOP, I'll save a future entry for the full IHOP experience, including IHOP appropriate waitress names and other oddities...

After IHOP, my parents left, leaving me with an empty room at 12 PM. I was supposed to work at 4:30 PM. What to do, what to do? How about say, "Fuck work!" and drive to Cherry Hill to look at baby pictures of HBoO? Sounds like a plan...

So, if anybody from Villa Rosa reads this, I'm not dead in a gutter somewhere, I'm just a good boyfriend...

Of course, my parents don't know of my misadventures, they assume I went to work. I got home sweet home at 11:30 PM Saturday night, threw my stuff on the floor, and promptly fell unconscious on the most comfortable bed in the world..:-)

More stuff happened, but this is a long entry, so look forward to Home Sweet Home: Part Deux sometime in the near future..:-D

-Matt

Good waiters, a rare breed...

No, this is not an entry about how awesome of a waiter I am, this is a story of the guy who works at the restaurant right next to mine, East Sushi. I won't go in to how good the food is, it'll suffice to say that it's the best Pan-Asian food I've ever had (HBoO will hurt me for saying that, she's the Pan-Asian connoisseur of the relationship..:-P), but they house the best waiters. Ever.

So I walked in for lunch the other day, and I notice that two waiters were working. Not five, ten, or twenty (*cough*Applebees*cough*), but two. This restaurant has about 40 tables and a sushi bar, and the place was about 3/4 full at lunch time. Bus boys, you ask? Nope..not a one...

So I sit down, expecting to wait a bit, or at least deal with a slightly frustrated waiter, but no. This guy was pleasant and quick, got my drink right away, my soup within a minute, and my lunch within seconds of finishing my soup. No joke. What a beast. This guy was waiting on at least ten tables, ranging in size from my solo spot to a party of 8, and everybody's food came out exactly when they wanted it, not a single order was incorrect, and everybody was happy. I'm amazed. I struggle with three tables, especially the rowdy large ones...

Now, I'm a cheap bastard when it comes to food, my bill came to $5.83, but I recognize greatness when I see it, so that guy received a $4.17 tip, roughly 75%...

So today, it being post-semester times, me being all by my lonesome, decide to treat myself to a delicious Pan-Asian meal for lunch. I walk in, notice the crowdedness to be equivalent to my previous experience, and am promptly seated. Not 30 seconds later, Mr. Beast Waiter puts a water on my table and asks if I'll have the same as last time. I'm in shock, my first encounter was at least a week ago. I'm consuming delicious Wanton soup and sesame chicken not three minutes later. And I'm not the only one. Minutes after I started eating, two hipster types walk in and sit at the sushi bar. Mr. Beast Waiter asks if they'll have their waters as per usual. Next, a couple sat down at the table next to me, and out came two plates of shrimp fried rice. They didn't even look at the menu..!

Hats off to beast waiters, they are an invisible and under appreciated force that makes life much easier and happier...

-Matt

The end of an era...

Warning: This is a sad post...

On Monday afternoon, I ran into somebody that I haven't talked to for months while attempting to sell some books back to my school's book store at a return rate of about 2% (Seriously, I was offered $2 for a book that I would have payed $35 for had I not stolen it..>_>). But I digress...

So this guy runs an open mic night in Trenton at a bar/venue called the 449 Room. If we go back in time a bit, from December 2006 to May 2007, I played guitar at this place at least twice a week. Monday nights were the open mic, I'd either go alone to play Justin King-esque solo material or do improvised jams with my old band. Wednesday nights were blues jam nights with my friend Jim Arkus, though that never really got off the ground...

Getting back to my story, Matt (the guy who runs the open mic, not me speaking in third person) tells me that the 449 Room is shutting down as of January 1st 2008. It took me by complete surprise, seeing as I hadn't played a show there in months (come to think of it, I haven't played a show anywhere in months, HBoO keeps me really busy), so I was shocked to hear of it's soon-to-be foreclosure. HBoO noticed that I was visibly upset after the encounter, but she just didn't understand how I felt about the closing of a venue at which I once performed regularly. So, long story short, I ended up playing at the last 449 Room open mic night, and it was pretty cool, even though none of the old regulars were there...

So, without further ado, a list of thanks/shout-outs/good memories...

• Thanks Matt, Jo, Kelly, Shane, Bill, Bartender lady, Dana, and all of the other people who came out to 449 Open Mic Mondays.
  
• Jo, sorry I couldn't be a part of all of your projects, I'm just not serious enough of a musician. You are an absolute beast on bass, and a great poet, too.
  
• Mario theme..\m/
• Shane, thanks for letting me sleep on your floor when I had nowhere else to go that night before I went to Africa...
• That homeless guy who walked in and told the crazy stories..wtf???
• That other guy who didn't know how to play guitar but got up on stage and played random notes anyway...
• That guy in the hat who came every week for Jim's blues night...
• Jim, Kate, and Jim's mom, Wednesdays were great, thanks for giving me a great 20th birthday..:-)
• Kelly's hippy van and all that is contained inside (keep on living that dream)...
• And, lastly, all the other people that came out all the time but I couldn't mention them by name, you guys were great...

R.I.P 449 Room...

-Matt

I'm a scruff-mun...

Case in point. This is what finals times do to me. Not only do I grow a lewd amount of patchy hair spots on my face, but I have no time to eat properly and end up looking like a starved POW. Why am I scratching you ask? Probably because I hadn't showered in two days when this photo was taken. Not my proudest of moments...








In other news, I'm typing this entry on HBoO's (who will henceforth be referred to as Melissa, or I lose kissing privileges..:-O) laptop, which is inexplicably missing the "i" key. So every time that I type that letter, I have to press this little rubber thing where the key used to be. Not fun at all... It doesn't really bother me at all..>_>

-Matt

Cooking delorcious foodstuffs...

Seven months ago today, I asked HBoO to be my girlfriend. She said yes..:-D

We go out to eat a lot (like..almost every meal these days), and on my meager salary (about $100 a week), I have to find something innovative to do so I don't have to "make it special" by going to a more expensive restaurant. So, I scoured the internet for ideas, and decided to cook my own version of the expensive restaurant cuisine. After a long search through various blogs, attempting to find something that would require buying the least number of ingredients, I found my answer here...

Prior to adventuring to the foodstuffs depot, I thought maybe, just maybe, that I would make regular chicken cutlets and cut them into heart shapes, but when I arrived at the foodstuffs depot, I was presented with both the tomatoes and the asparagus for the above recipe. I made an executive decision and went with my first idea...

So I got back, took a shower, put on a nice outfit, and began cooking. Everything went quite well with the cooking process, except for the part where I nearly set the house on fire. I didn't read that the lemon extract was 84% alcohol, so when I poured some on the chicken while it was cooking in the pan to add flavor, it erupted in flames..:-)

Disasters aside, HBoO arrived and ate my delicious foodstuffs. She said it was pretty good, I was pleasantly surprised...





-Matt

Hallucinogenic Drugs and their long term effects...

I want to take a moment and talk about my previous lifestyle and how it still has lingering effects on who I am today...

This picture was taken in November 2005, I was a freshman in college. Notice the unkempt, dirty, frizzy long hair? That means that I used to do a lot of drugs, and I was perfectly willing to broadcast it to the world as a part of my personality. What's going on in this picture, you ask? I am in a near comatose state, blazed out of my mind, and listening to Dark Side of the Moon. At that very moment, about 80% of my freshman floor mates are in my room staring at me being completely oblivious to my surroundings. People were literally waving hands in front of my face for about fifteen minutes before, finally, somebody flicked my nose and I came to. Where did I find this picture? One of my old friend's "25 most ridiculous pictures from freshman year" album on facebook holds this monument to my immaturity. Let's move on...


Here I am, just a few short months later, moving up on the psychedelic ladder. This is a candid shot of my 18 year old self after having melted to the floor. At this point, I'm watching a slew of army men doing a hula dance while I lay sprawled on my friend's floor choking on my own uncontrollable laughter. Yes, I'm tripping on psilocybin mushrooms. Yes, I watched as the shadows cast on the ceiling transformed into Eeyore the donkey performing fellatio on Chicken Boo from Animaniacs. Am I especially proud of this moment? No. Am I going to pretend it didn't happen? No. Am I going to to broadcast it to the world via blog? You bet your ass...



Enter sophomore year.This is the last and most pathetic of my exhibitions. Though this is another shroom picture, I'm going to take a bit of creative liberty and ascertain that this is about what I looked like while tripping on acid. No pictures or video exist to document those events, so my memories of the situations must suffice. Warning: the following descriptions are not for the faint of heart. This is what happens when you trip on acid aka consume three tabs of LSD. First, you wait 45 minutes. Though this time should be spent consuming enough food to last the next 13 hours, it is instead wasted staring at this or something equally bizarre and stupid. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Hmm..what's that strange feeling? Heh..that picture of a flower is swaying in the breeze. Pretty cool. Hey, I know what would be a good idea. Let's smoke weed while we trip (this is actually a REALLY bad idea). Also, some music is necessary. Holy shit, there is a gingerbread man inside of that flower, and he's dancing to the music! Cool! Awesome! Fun times! Check out all of this crazy shit! The paintings are melting, the carpet is a sea of birds fluttering, the ceiling is a huge churning bowl of oatmeal! I feel one with the universe! Yay! So cool! *seven hours later* This is really cool, but I'm tired. My mind hurts. What can I do to feel better. Hey! Let's smoke some more weed (REALLY REALLY REALLY bad idea). Oh, shit! That didn't help. Now everything is crazy again, but I'm tired. When does this end? It feels like years. Hey, what's that? It's me, age 5, riding a big wheel. Now I'm in my old best friend's house. Wow, cool, I'm seeing my childhood. Who is the guy on the cover of that book? (Van Gogh) Now, I'm growing up a bit. Hey, what am I doing here? It's Wednesday, I have class tomorrow. Shouldn't I be trying to find a girlfriend? I'm lonely. Hey, there's my old friend again. Wow, how old am I? 19, holy shit. I'm getting old. What am I doing. I remember everything, I can see everything. Wait, it's happening all over again. I want it to stop. Why won't it stop. It's Wednesday? I have class tomorrow, what am I doing? What time is it? Why won' t time go forward? Am I stuck like this? Oh, fuck! I'm insane! I'm going to be in a mental institution for the rest of my life thinking I'm a glass of orange juice! There I am again, age 5. When is this going to end? Why won't it end!!!?

My third acid trip was a bad trip. The last five hours was the most frightening experience of my life. After a day of deep contemplation, I quit everything. No more weed, no more shrooms, definitely no acid, not even alcohol. It was over...

Here we are, almost a year later. I almost can't believe it's been that long. I have a job, I'm doing better in school, I have better friends, the greatest girlfriend in the world, and life goals and aspirations. To all of the druggies out there, just look how far you can go!

-Matt

The world's ugliest high school...

Yesterday, whilst browsing MX, I came upon a revival thread of one of the most hilarious occurrences ever to grace the forum. This school according to Wikipedia, is just your average high school in the mid-west. What they don't tell you, though, is that this school houses the world's ugliest students...

For example:

At first glance, this picture may not seem THAT disturbing. You might take a quick glance and comment on how unnecessary that guy's glasses are. You might also say that he has stunningly bad teeth. But let's take a closer look. Look at his date. How old is she? If you said 42, you'd be correct..:-)

Let's try another:

Okay, this one is a little more obvious. That girl is not only wearing a leopard print dress and a sweet tart necklace, she is also a corpse. Look at those sunken eyes, that vacant smile. Also notice the spray on tan and four pounds of makeup used to cover up the gangrenous flesh covering her rotting bones. Am I being too graphic..? Let's move on to something less depressing and more hilarious. Namely, her date. Mr. Necrophilia has a million dollar smile and a..leopard print cummerbund and..bow..tie..JESUS CHRIST! That's not all folks. You may not have noticed it, but look at those shoes! I don't think I need to say much more...



Him: "I'm such a pimp, I'm bringing my real doll to prom!"

Her: "I will melt you with my super laser vision!"


British Exchange Girl: "My favorite historical period is the Renaissance. DIE PAGAN!!!"

And finally,


"I'm a Super Saiyan!"

In conclusion, Kenston High School is the greatest place on earth..:-)

-Matt

Let's talk sex...

with Sue Johanson..:-)

This is my favorite sex show. Not only do you get to hear this lady talk about rough anal sex, but she also uses dildo microphones and comes up with a new sex position every week. I know what you are saying...

"Matt, there is no way that my great-grandma would openly talk about queefing!"

Well, extremely doubtful and negative reader, here's what I say to you..!

-Matt

Things more important than an impendingly due 20 page research paper...

In my prior entry, I revealed that this weekend would be really hectic because I'd be doing all sorts of schoolwork. Let's take a look at this weekend's events so far:

1. Walked to HBoO's house at 6:30 PM...
2. Wrote a blôgüle entry about the movie I watched from midnight to 2 AM the night before a big early morning presentation on the genetic engineering of food...
3. Got beat up for referring to my girlfriend as "honey bunches of oats" (I did it again :-P)...
4. Watched the movie Mean Girls with said girlfriend and housemates...
5. Woke up, called out from work with a "family emergency", and drove 45 minutes to see a high school production of Aladdin, ate lunch at the Cheesecake Factory, then drove another half an hour to see my girlfriend's best friend's orchestra performance...
6. Ate delorcious deviled eggs courtesy of HBoO (I swear, it's the last time I'll call you that..:-P)...
7. Drove back to my house, arrived at 2 AM, and promptly passed out...

As you can see, it's been quite the productive weekend. I'll let you know how the rest turns out later...

-Matt

It's an alethiometer..it's a golden compass...

Several months ago, I heard about the His Dark Materials series on the internets being compared to Harry Potter. Having just read the Harry Potter series for the first time, I was naturally seeking out something similarly fulfilling much like Whitney Houston seeking out her next fix...

So I get a recommendation for this trilogy via MX and found all three books at my college's library. Well, actually it's a bit more complicated than that, there were a lot of complications with actually getting The Golden Compass because it was on the reserved list..I had to check it out every two days for like two weeks (because I read at a 3rd grade level or something)...

So, long story short, I read most of the series and absolutely love it (even more so than Harry Potter) and then I hear that movie version of The Golden Compass is coming out...

My honey bunches of oats and I went to the midnight showing and were slightly confuzzled by much of the choices, including changing the order of events and cutting out the actual ending. Also, the pacing was ridiculous and everything felt really flat. Iorek's lines were really cheesy and unnecessary. My favorite, though, was that they had to say the word golden compass every time the word alethiometer was used, just to remind us that the title of the movie was not pulled out of someone's ass...

Actually, that sounds like a pretty harsh review, a lot of things were really cool. I just wish they made it a little longer to allow for a bit more character interaction and development. All of the events were over way too quickly...

In other news, this is my hell weekend at college. I'm not going to list all of the things I have to do, but just know that it's a whole lot, and I'm probably going to be tired, emaciated, and unshaven by the end. Once it's over, everything will be okay, but I'll be a cranky-mun for the next few days...

The end...

-Matt

Let's build a snow-mun...

Today, it snowed a bunch but, alas, class was not canceled. I went to work and made $30 in tips, but since it was so crazy, everything was pooled and I ended up making $27..:-/

My car was outside during the snow-times, and my doors froze shut. I had to scrape the ice away with my hands to open them. When I tried to put down the windows to clear the snow from them, they got stuck halfway down, so I had to drive with the windows down. The only logical conclusion I can reach is that I've gravely offended this guy, and he is extracting his revenge in very subtle ways. I'm on to you Snow Miser!

Also, the greatest rendition of The 12 Days of Christmas was performed by the greatest girl in the world en route from Target to home yesterday. Hats off to her...

-Matt

Impressionism and the greatest movie of all time...

Today I took Melissa to the Philadelphia Museum of Art. We had to drive in the pouring rain/sleet/snow, and find our way through the confusing streets of Philly. We only had to lock the doors once to avoid, what my lovely honey bunches of oats would call, a potential rape...

Good times were had once we made it to the museum (our anal virginities in tact). The best part, IMO, was the impressionist exhibit, particularly having the opportunity to see Monet's infamous Bridge Over a Pool of Waterlilies and London. The Waterloo Bridge in person. Amazing stuff...

On the way home, it was decided that a meal of some kind was in order, so we stopped at Pizzeria Uno, where Melissa had her first Chicago-style pizza aka Dough/Cheese/Tomato/Peppers/Onions/Sausage Casserole. Mmm..Delorcious..!

We then saw the movie Fred Claus, which had a surprisingly good cast of characters that did really well with a TERRIBLE script. Hats off to the scene that introduced Vince Vaughn (..when you are pregnant with child!), Paul Giomatti's depiction of Santa, and the oscar-worthy Kevin Spacey monologue halfway through...

And on a completely different note, I watched select scenes from what is probably the most brilliant movie I've seen..ever. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a scene from Troll 2...

Enjoy, I'm off to bed...

-Matt

20 Questions...

Things that may seem amazing but are actually pretty dull:

-Having a group of college kids play "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader" board game edition with teams of two. We went through questions for two hours and never struggled once (except for the speed of light in miles/second. No scientist would need to know any speed in miles/anything because we've invented the metric system. Also, density is mass/volume not mass/weight. Good job with that one Jeff Foxworthy)...

However, Melissa's 20 questions game became quite entertaining by 2 AM...

Questions asked when the secret word was "penis"(remember, it's 2 AM and we are college students):

"Can you put it in your mouth?"
"Can I hold it in my hand?"
"Do I want to have it in my hand?"
"Can I eat it?"

The game was reprised the following day (earlier today) with a classic 90's game that had probably the greatest theme song consisting of a single phrase ever written. Needless to say, the song has been stuck in my head all day...

Time for some sleepies...

-Matt

If I were a gameshow contestant, I'd be a billionaire...

Well, I'd have AT LEAST $25,000...

People are really dumb, and yet we insist on giving them a ton of money. She just won enough money to pay for a year of my college education and/or send me on a year long world tour. But, no. I worked my ass off in a pool store 45 hours a week for three months, sold all of my bass equipment, and I'm still working as a waiter so that I can raise funds that will span a mere 2 countries (Wait, is France a country?), and this is just for four months. And I only have 1/5 of the money she received for asking an 11 year old what country Budapest was in...

God Bless America...

-Matt

Songs of Old...

"On top of old smokey, all covered in snow!"

"No, it's on top of old smokey, all covered in blood!"

"WTF, that doesn't even make sense. Who the hell covers a mountain with blood??"

"It doesn't matter, that's how it goes."

*Google... ... ..2 minutes later*

http://www.beachnet.com/~jeanettem/songs.html

On top of old Smokey
All covered in blood,
I killed the poor teacher
With a 44 slug.
I went to her funeral, I peed on her grave
She wasn't quite dead yet so I threw a grenade.
The cops came after me to throw me in jail
But I took out my shotgun and blew them to HELL.

"I rest my case."

Now let's imagine if kids today sang these wonderful songs of love and happiness...

http://www.parentdish.com/2006/05/09/on-top-of-old-smokey-all-covered-with-blood/

Oh yeah, I live in America...

-Matt

Exaggerator Jones...

After reading through my entries thus far, I realize that this is not going the way that I originally intended. Not only have I been an exaggerating jones-men, I've done nothing but "complain, complain" as the single reader of this blog would say (rabble rabble rabble). So, therefore, from now on, I've turned over a new leaf. I'm not going to complain anymore, or commit acts of douche-baggery...

So, then...

What am I supposed to say now..?

...
...
...

oh noes!1!!!1!one!!1!

-Matt

Sources, Sources, Sources...

http://www.musicianforums.com/forums/

Don't click that link...

I've been a member of this message board since August 2003. The day I registered was the beginning of the end. The appeal in reading people reply to long and well-thought out points with "wut u say?" and "tl;dr" makes me laugh in my chair. Every damn time! Why!!?

Let's sample some of the brilliance of this wonderful site.

Topic title: Who would you rather bone

"Would you rather bone Mariah Carey or Christina Aguilera? I think that's a tough choice to make but I would chose Mariah Carey because Aguilera looks like a skank."

"um"

"Neither.. Mimi is crazy and Christina is very pregnant"

"so?"

etc. etc.

For pages. And pages... ...Why!!?

Another example:

Topic Title: discuss hotdogs

"i like 6 inch sausage

plump

juicy

warm

mmmm


how do you enjoy your wieners?"

I think I can stop there...


No matter how much of my free time is taken up by more productive and fulfilling activities, I always find myself clicking that damn link. It will never end. I hope the site shuts down so that I can finally be free...

Again, a terrible post...

-Matt

Getting started...

Fact number 1: Ellipses will henceforth become the most important of all punctuation types...

Seriously, the internets has been my business for what will be eight years in the months to come, and there is nothing I've taken more advantage of than the ellipses. It is not and shall never be used in its original context, that of splicing written material together to form a sketchy argument for some paper in some class in hopes that some weary-eyed professor will merely gloss over all of your trite and boring arguments and fail to take notice that you started this awful excuse for a research paper at 1 AM the night prior..amirite?

Also, run-on sentences, fragments, spelling errors, etc. etc. shall be considered for their true artistic merit, else you will find yourself thoroughly disappointed in what you will be reading. And next on the list...

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Assumptions. As of right now, I assume either everyone or no one is reading this, and, therefore, I can and will say whatever I want. Yay..!

Alrighty, time to really get started. I'm Matt and... ... ... ..that's all I've got. The details of my life are pretty average and don't make for much in terms of reading material. So, instead, I'm going to ramble. For a long time. And then I'm going to keep typing. Even though I have nothing to say. And I'm going to use periods before they need to be used. Annoyed? Good. I'm glad.

Still reading? Why? Por Que? Por Quoi? (What's that? Three languages? "Yeah, right," says you.) And the voices in my head that may or may not be readers are correct. I do not, in fact, speak/write in three languages. I can say a few things, mostly really impractical things such as, "Voila! Un passporte! (Look! A passport!), Yo no hablo espanol (I don't speak Spanish), Et maintenant le voyage a supermarche (And now, a trip to the supermarket) etc. etc. ad nauseum.

My English is pretty decent, however, considering I've been speaking it for about 19 years as my primary language. You know you can speak a language relatively well when you start altering words and phrases in a ridiculous mocking way (Stoooarp!) (Delorcious!).

Wow, I'm stupid. And bored. And tired. I'm not even going to read this, and I feel awful for those that do...

Welcome to my blog. I'm Matt, and for as long as I feel like keeping up with this, you can enjoy (read: suffer terribly) reading and posting comments about how I should, for the love of God, cease and desist.

Time for bed...

-Matt