Yeah, you! Are you tired of having long, stringy, unmanageable hair that inhibits you from social relationships? Well, worry no more, because now you can have the new Super Sheer 3000:
The Super Sheer 3000 uses new, state-of-the-art separation technology to remove the hair from your head! The secret is in the patented, one-of-a-kind double blade apparatus, which is expertly connected with a highly sophisticated mechanized screw. Why have one blade when you can have two? Each blade is fitted at one end with super firm grip plastic holes which allow incredibly simple and wonderfully comfortable finger insertion. It's easy and fun! Watch as your dirty tangled hair disappears instantly!
You can go from this:
...all in a matter of minutes with the Super Sheer 3000.
Other sheers can cost you $40, $50, or even $100! But the Super Sheer 3000 is available for just 3 easy payments of $29.95! But wait, that's not all! Order within the next five minutes, and we'll DOUBLE YOUR OFFER!! That's right, two Super Sheer 3000s for the price of one! That's a $650 value for just 3 easy payments of $29.95! We'll even throw in our hugely popular hair-styling apparatus absolutely FREE!!
That's a $800 value for just 3 easy payments of $29.95 (plus shipping/handling). What are you waiting for? CALL NOW!!!