Wednesday, January 9, 2008

A routine visit to the doctor leads to bloodbath...

Today, I went to the doctor to get a physical in preparation for my four month trip to England. It was all the usual stuff; height, weight, knock on the knees, turn and cough etc.

However, I took the opportunity to address a problem I've been having with a pain in my butt, and it turns out that I have an anal fissure. Haha, very funny. It hurts..a lot...

So now, I have a prescription for butt cream. Yay..!

The doctor told me to inject some fiber into my diet, so I decided to start immediately. I began by trying to slice a particularly thick-skinned orange with this device:


I apologize for the blurry shot, it was taken with my left hand. The result of using this device was this:

It may look relatively painless from this angle, but count the number of band-aids that are containing the river of blood that would otherwise be pouring forth from the wound. If you counted 38797979797987622, you'd be correct. Also, everybody that knows me knows of my finger injury phobia. Also, anything that causes this...


...much blood is something to worry about. Ouch. Fucking ouch...

From now on, I'm sticking to these:


:-(

-Matt

1 comment:

meloogal said...

oh, that's not even that much blood. ya pansy.